My dad told me the other day I was afraid of change. That statement, hit me like a ton of bricks, to say the least. Never in my life would I have thought I, Jennifer Justice, would be afraid of change... The Jennifer Justice I used to know was never scared of an adventure. She was always open to whatever the next step in life brought upon her. But now, I just feel so unsure.
How can I leave, walk away, move? I love "my girls" and I am so attached to being there for them. I absolutely adore all the time I spend with them...I have family here, I have my Tushie Face, I have friends (even if most are coupled off and leaving me single). I have a church who supports me, and I have a life...
But,
How can I stay? Isn't the way that I escape is by running...the new start, the no one knows your history, the I can be anything I want to be...isn't that the exciting part? The part that drives me? I'm an adventure, risk taker, I'm an individualist, I am not the ordinary girl so many people have tried to make me. So how can I even be considering settling here? Aren't I the girl who wanted to travel her whole life, who wanted to see everything...big and small. I always believed in there being more life out there than what was right in front of me. Yet, maybe I like what is right in front of me...
"Do what you want to do." This phrase keeps getting said to me over and over and over again. But I don't know what I want. Part of me wants to just pack my car and hit the rode and be spontaneous and ridiculous...but then the other part of me wants to just stay right here, where everything is at least semi stable. I just don't know what I want right now...but then again in a way I do?
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