Proverbs 3:5 & 6 --> "Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight."
In 2009 I trusted God to take me to a new city, a new school, a new life. I found no easy task set forth in front of me. Being in two places at once is impossible, much like serving two masters...you can never make both satisfied. For over a year I tried to make it work living two different lives. In my hometown, the girl everyone knew me as.....in the place God had brought me, the girl God was shaping me into.
I struggled with this logic, living two separate lives. About 7 months ago I heard God calling me. Through ministers, circumstances, and a heavy heart. With memories dancing in my head, I let go of the life I had known in my old town. With this, I sacrificed friendships I had held onto for a years, a lifetime. I sacrificed seeing my family. I sacrificed the comfortable lifestyle of always knowing enough money was in my dad's pocket.
Unlike Abraham, I had doubts about this sacrifice. It took me months to finally let go of everyone I had worked a lifetime to hold onto. I know, those relationships will never understand why I had to let go. It was no longer God's will for me to chase people in my life who never wanted to be caught. To hold onto those who in reality, as much as it hurts, were not helping me become the young woman God wanted so badly to mold me into, not helping me glorify Him in the way He intended. They will never understand why I walked away.
He has molded me into someone totally different than the girl I was 2 years ago when I moved...even different from the girl I was 7 months ago when I heard Him calling and decided to sacrifice all I had known. It's still me, but not the same. He is using me in powerful ways, mighty things are being done to further His kingdom, to glorify Him, and to just simply love.
From time to time I reminisce on that old life. Many great memories live on in my heart. It's not that I don't love and miss those people who planted seeds, the friends who inspired me, and the life left behind; I do. But this life, following Him, is so much more than any simple human being can give me that the sacrifice seems small. Sometimes, to find out what we were created to do, to handle, to live; we must give up and sacrifice what we made ourselves.
One day, I hope those I stopped chasing will be able to realize what happened in my heart to lead the actions taken. I will ALWAYS be here for those people...I have never stopped loving, only stopped living a lie and begun living His truth.
"Sometimes, we just have to let ourselves be free."
<3
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