best

I just don't get it. You said we would be each other's best forever. You said I was still your best the day you drove away. You said i was still your best the day you let me go and when I drove away, out of driveway...away from you, possibly for good... so how does that work...being your best? Is it just words you say...no feelings behind them? Or is it that you're just to scared to actually admit what they mean to me, to you, to us. Was it really that I am your "best", or was I just the "best for now" girl... maybe I was just a temporary fix in your life. You know you used to say how much you missed me and a day after I would be gone you would be ready for me to come back..to come home, as you would say. What happened to that? Did you, like all the others, just wake up one day and feel absolutely NOTHING for me? Feel no sadness at the way I held everything in having you by my side? Feel no happiness for when we were together? Feel absolutely no remorse for just dropping me as you live out the rest of your life. Where did the friendship go? What happened to best friends forever...I guess I missed the memo that forever had a due date these days. I miss you, or, I miss the best friend I used to have...not this guy, this guy who cares nothing about me or how I feel. I don't miss the jerk I've been trying to hang on to for the past two months. But, I miss that amazing, sexy, mysterious, funny guy that I met last September. The guy who no matter what never judged me on my past, my family, my insecurities. But, where did that guy go? Now you just play off of those failures and insecurities I have always told you I fear the most. & even more, I fear losing that guy who made me feel so safe, so alive, so me. I miss my bestfriend, but I don't understand how you could do what you have done to me? Was it my fault somehow?...either way, after I trusted you so much. I still got hurt.

So if I have to leave you
I want you to know that in the end,
it wasn't cause I stopped caring,
it's cause you stopped being a friend.

<3