Love is louder than the pressure to be perfect.

Lord,
I don't get it. I don't understand why this always happens. It's like you bring someone amazing into my life, just to let me get used to them being around and then BAM! you remove them...they are gone, out of my life. Wanting nothing to do with me. I know you do things for a reason, a purpose behind the pain...but what am I missing?! Why must I go through all this pain. Why trust anyone when all they do is walkaway? Can't they hear me screaming??? Can't anyone see the pressure I put on myself...to be perfect. To be perfect so people stop turning away. I just want someone to be comfortable with, let down the guard, someone to trust...but how can I when every time I try they rip me apart. I'm so afraid of people. I just want to crawl in a big hole and be alone forever because I don't want to feel this pain anymore. And scaring me worse is the thoughts I had demolished are building up again. It's like no matter how hard I try, I fail. Sometimes I wonder if You are going to leave me one day as well. In reality and in my heart I know You are never going to do it, but my fear puts these awful illusions in my head.
It's like I'm in a glass box with painted brick walls. I can see everything happening around me, but no one can see what's going on inside. Can't anyone hear me screaming for help?
I just want to be enough for someone, enough to live, enough to love, enough to stay.